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Kazika

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Kazika

Post by Kazika Hyouton on Thu Jun 11, 2009 9:17 am

Character Name:Kazika


Desired Bloodline:Hyouton Creation


Desired Starting Element:Water


Desired Village:Kirigakure


Age:16


Desired Rank:You pick based off my rp sample


Appearance:http://narutouzumaki-rpg.coolbb.net/users/53/65/07/avatars/11886-8.jpgm (my avatar from the other site)

Character Personality: Kazika is a kind young boy,he NEVER kills for no reason...he is easily angered but tries to keep under control,he will risk his life for anyone he has come close to or just someone in need,he is not very competitive until it gets to fighting then he has to be better than everyone,he is actually over competitive in fighting,he also loves to fight,and when training trains all out,nothing less nothing more


Background Info:Kazika's parents are alive and well,they are not ninjas though,they did not approve of his ninja lifestyle so he was kicked out of their house when he refused to listen to them,he does not like to talk about this and when he doesn't think about it he is happy,but if someone brings up his parents he snaps

Rp Sample:
I slowly walk into the foggy area,I am dressed in a black T-Shirt and blue jeans.I also have a kuni pouch on my right thigh and another pouch attached to my belt but on the back.in that pouch there is shuriken,explosive tags,and a pack filled with food for my long journey.As i continue walking i see there is a forest up ahead.but since it is foggy i don't see the other shinobi watching me from above.The other shinobi slowly draws kuni holding a tight grip on it and trying not to make any noise.But i hear him draw it and i act like i do not hear him.As i continue walking the leaves from the trees crunch under my feet.I suddenly hear a quick whipping noise and I leap to the side as quickly as possible.I look down and see the cut on my arm and the kuni slightly stuck in the ground. I then quickly scan the area looking for the attacker then in a tree just on top i see a dark figure. I immediately start to jump up the tree hopping from branch to branch heading for the figure who is now throwing kuni at me.In reaction I pull a kuni from my pouch and block the kuni by deflecting them to the side as i reach the top of the tree i spin the kuni to reverse grip and swing it at his neck,aiming for the front.But him being a shinobi he quickly ducks.As he move from the path i continue spinning and stick my hand in my pouch and then slam my hand on him.Then he kicks me off the tree and as i fall down and hit a branch and am laying on it in pain as i watch the top of the tree as it explodes from the tag i had placed on him.I laugh as i stand up and jump from branch to branch continuing on my journey.
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Kazika Hyouton
Genin
Genin

Number of posts : 57

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Re: Kazika

Post by Takimoto-kun on Thu Jun 11, 2009 1:51 pm

Add more on the background info.

Check your RP Sample for grammar and punctuation errors, and maybe add a little paragraph in it.

Til then, Denied
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Takimoto-kun
Chuunin
Chuunin

Male Number of posts : 116
Age : 26
Village : Konohagakure
Bloodline/Clan : Yoshitoki Clan Leader

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Re: Kazika

Post by Kazika Hyouton on Thu Jun 11, 2009 2:00 pm

Background Info:Kazika's parents are alive and well,they are not ninjas though,they did not approve of his ninja lifestyle so he was kicked out of their house when he refused to listen to them,he does not like to talk about this and when he doesn't think about it he is happy,but if someone brings up his parents he snaps,he was always interested in being a ninja but his parents just kept saying no,never gave him more than he needed to keep him from being spoiled and when he wanted to be a ninja they said he didn't need to be one he would just get killed.when he left to become a ninja he went to mist village.once there he joined the academy at 13 and graduated at 16 and now he will train to become a stronger shinobi


Rp Sample:
I slowly walk into the foggy area,I am dressed in a black T-Shirt and blue jeans.I also have a kuni pouch on my right thigh and another pouch attached to the back of my belt. in that pouch there is shuriken,explosive tags,and a pack filled with food for my long journey.As i continue walking i see a forest up ahead,but since it is foggy i don't see the other shinobi watching me from above.The other shinobi slowly draws kuni holding a tight grip on it and trying not to make any noise.
But i hear him draw it and i act like i do not hear him.As i continue walking the leaves from the trees crunch under my feet.I suddenly hear a quick whipping noise and I leap to the side as quickly as possible.I look down and see the cut on my arm and the kuni slightly stuck in the ground. I then quickly scan the area looking for the attacker then in a tree just on top i see a dark figure.
I immediately start to jump up the tree, hopping from branch to branch heading for the figure who is now throwing kuni at me.In reaction I pull a kuni from my pouch and block the kuni by deflecting them to the side. As i reach the top of the tree i spin the kuni to reverse grip and swing it at his neck,aiming for the throat.But with him being a shinobi he quickly ducks.As he moves from the path of my attack i continue spinning and stick my hand in my pouch and then slam my hand on him.
Then he kicks me off the tree and as i fall down and hit a branch and am laying on it in pain as i watch the top of the tree as it explodes from the tag i had placed on him.I laugh as i stand up and jump from branch to branch continuing on my journey.

(cant get my tab button to work)
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Kazika Hyouton
Genin
Genin

Number of posts : 57

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Re: Kazika

Post by Takimoto-kun on Thu Jun 11, 2009 2:03 pm

Again o.o'

You use a lot of Run On Sentences and have a few grammar mistakes. learn when to stop a sentence and start another one, it gets confusing if you put several actions in just one sentence o.o' let alone one post.

Re-read your RP Sample and Background Info, check for grammar errors and learn how to use the DOT, you know -> . <- this key o.o'

Denied
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Takimoto-kun
Chuunin
Chuunin

Male Number of posts : 116
Age : 26
Village : Konohagakure
Bloodline/Clan : Yoshitoki Clan Leader

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Re: Kazika

Post by Kazika Hyouton on Thu Jun 11, 2009 2:07 pm

Background Info:Kazika\'s parents are alive and well,they are not ninjas though.they did not approve of his ninja lifestyle so he was kicked out of their house when he refused to listen to them.he does not like to talk about this and when he doesn't think about it he is happy.but if someone brings up his parents he snaps.he was always interested in being a ninja but his parents just kept saying no.they never gave him more than he needed to keep him from being spoiled.So when he wanted to be a ninja they said he didn't need to be one he would just get killed.When he left to become a ninja he went to mist village.once there he joined the academy at 13 and graduated at 16 and now he will train to become a stronger shinobi.


Rp Sample:
I slowly walk into the foggy area,I am dressed in a black T-Shirt and blue jeans.I also have a kuni pouch on my right thigh and another pouch attached to the back of my belt. in that pouch there is shuriken,explosive tags,and a pack filled with food for my long journey.As i continue walking I see a forest up ahead,but since it is foggy I don\'t see the other shinobi watching me from above.The other shinobi slowly draws kuni holding a tight grip on it and trying not to make any noise.
But I hear him draw the kuni and I act like I do not hear him.As I continue walking the leaves from the trees crunch under my feet.I suddenly hear a quick whipping noise and I leap to the side as quickly as possible.I look down and see the cut on my arm and the kuni slightly stuck in the ground. I then quickly scan the area looking for the attacker then in a tree just on top I see a dark figure.
I immediately start to jump up the tree, hopping from branch to branch heading for the figure who is now throwing kuni at me.In reaction I pull a kuni from my pouch and block the kuni by deflecting them to the side. As i reach the top of the tree I spin the kuni to reverse grip and swing it at his neck,aiming for the throat.But with him being a shinobi he quickly ducks.As he moves from the path of my attack I continue spinning and stick my hand in my pouch and then slam my hand on him.
Then he kicks me off the tree and as I fall down and hit a branch and am laying on it in pain as I watch the top of the tree as it explodes from the tag I had placed on him.I laugh as I stand up and jump from branch to branch continuing on my journey.



(if it is my rp sample i can deal with being a genin)
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Kazika Hyouton
Genin
Genin

Number of posts : 57

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Re: Kazika

Post by Takimoto-kun on Thu Jun 11, 2009 2:08 pm

Well you improved a tadbit... You should pay more attention to what you write in the future, for I'm vouching for you and approving that char o.o' Make sure to practice on a notebook how to use punctuation. o.o

Approved.
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Takimoto-kun
Chuunin
Chuunin

Male Number of posts : 116
Age : 26
Village : Konohagakure
Bloodline/Clan : Yoshitoki Clan Leader

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Re: Kazika

Post by Kazika Hyouton on Thu Jun 11, 2009 2:10 pm

Does that mean im genin....if so its fine but im just wondering
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Kazika Hyouton
Genin
Genin

Number of posts : 57

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Re: Kazika

Post by Takimoto-kun on Thu Jun 11, 2009 2:11 pm

With that grammar and punctuation you want to be more than that? o.o' I wish there was an Academy for me to send you there >.<

Just work on what I told you. Approved as Gennin
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Takimoto-kun
Chuunin
Chuunin

Male Number of posts : 116
Age : 26
Village : Konohagakure
Bloodline/Clan : Yoshitoki Clan Leader

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Re: Kazika

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